I am the index.
I am the walrus.
This is the first of the podcasts I’ve been cutting over the past few days.
It’s a lot of fun to switch gears as a broadcaster into new mediums.
Though it’s become clear to me that the fun part of doing the recordings is getting addictive versus the boring part of doing the editing.
These are going to get a bit … wild … in coming updates.
If you’re catching me here then consider linking up with me over on the YT as well.
I don’t feel like writing anything too serious today. I’ll just keep typing into this laptop to fill up the space in my head that creeps and crawls. I have plenty to say, too much in fact. But it’s not going on the Internet. Sorry but my ever so interesting life story is not something I’ll put on here. I know all about tearing my heart out and wearing it on my sleeve for complete strangers. I’m the master of TMI (“too much information”) and I ramble as bad in conversation as I do online. But the person I am changes too fast to even keep track of anymore these days. I will say this though: for someone so young I’ve lived a rather full and complex life. Even though I’ve barely lived at all I could die with a smile on my face today, I’ve made my mark and changed cold hearts with my compassion as well as hardened hearts with my malice. I can finally view existence as something that makes sense and remembered that believing in myself is the only thing that ever made sense to me.
The Great Internet Marketing Guru takes a few questions and concerns from his clients.
Let’s listen in:
“My internet ad campaign was a total wash. I ended up taking a bath and nobody even visited my site!”
“Did you put boobs all over it like I told you to?”
“No, I thought that was too superficial and sensationalistic.”
“And that would be why you failed. You forgot your audience is nothing but superficial and craves sensationalism.”
“So what do I now?”
“Take a picture of your penis and put it on Craigslist.”
“Okay … but what is that gonna help?”
“Nothing. I just want you to relive the shame of former roommates of mine.”
“I saw this ad making a claim I shouldn’t buy a product. Should I believe it?”
“Of course! Ads were created to tell you what not to buy, not what to buy. So when an ad tells you to buy something, you know it’s fake because they are trying to advertise to you. But when an ad tells you not to buy something, you know it’s real because they are not advertising to you.”
“Wait … what?”
“So I got all these people reading my blog about tech and travel but I want to use my blog audience to expand my business promotions as well. How can I retool my blog without loosing readers?”
“It’s easy: Dramatically announce you will be leaving the blog, probably the whole Internet, forever. Send that out and then wait a few days, then come back with some false tale of woe and then start selling hub caps and spark plugs off your blog-doohickey.”
“That really works?”
“Oh yeah, totally! People usually use it to switch from catatonic to mildly psychotic instead of non-monetized to monetized, but all blogging is pretty much the same thing.”
“I was thinking of opening up a singles dating service online and…”
“Get the hell out of my office.”
“I heard that Twitter was the new tool for marketing professionals with the hottest and latest ideas.”
“Who told you that?”
“That guy in the rabbit suit trying to give out fliers.”
“Someone told me you could market products on Facebook more effectively than using banner services.”
“Depends on what you mean by ‘market.’ If by that you mean annoy people and be ignored, then yes it is very effective.”
“I bought up all my domain names and registered on every social network that exists. Is there anything else I should do before I set out to rule the digital landscape?”
“Yes. Hire a mafia. You are late to the game, the only way you’ll get any traction now is to break kneecaps and go gangsta on Google.”
Thus concludes another session of ultimate wisdom from The Great Internet Marketing Guru.
This week Facebook introduced a new feature that allows users to “Like” the comments of other users.
My sarcastic comment that someone “Liked” was:
“Now I will finally get the recognition I deserve!”
But you can’t retool Facebook without running into this mass sentiment expressed through the corridors of comments:
“Facebook should have a ‘dislike‘ button.”
A thousand times yes!
Between the moronic “Nanny State Liberation Front” and the group wishing death under biblical terms to President Barack Obama (thus are not removed by Facebook) there remain many fan groups that I would very much enjoy the ability to “Dislike.”
Like their obviously inept Facebook ad-bots send me pro-Glenn Beck imagery, and this notion of if I “Like this ad?” is just raising some bile to back of my mouth.
Where is the box for: “Burn this ad in a vat of boiling acid?”
Same with some of the individual comments of certain users that engage in what is called “being a troll,” “flaming,” or “cyber-harassment.”
My looking at this rabid ad hominem babble and the new option to “Like” this vile digital puke is just repugnant on every level.
Where is the box for: “Send this user to the trash bin?”
I recognize that Facebook is trying to stay positive, but they should look around and see that when AOL announced dropping Bebo their stock went up.
The users on the social network are the driving force behind it.
And we demand to right to boo at each other!
Facebook has around 450 million users. The population of the United States is 309 million people. That means if you made everyone in the U.S. forcibly get on Facebook all at once you still would not have enough people Facebooking in that moment to account for the entire user community they have amassed. The sheer weight of Facebook on the Internet has forced almost every site to add this “Connect with Facebook” option. But I raise the issue of Bebo to point out that social networks live and die not by keeping shareholders happy but by keeping their users happy.
Protests were held in Tucson, and Phoenix, Arizona against the racial profiling law (known as “AZ SB 1070” which is the acronym of Arizona Senate Bill 1070) that was vomited up thanks to the incompetent Governor Jan Brewer and the group knows as “FAIR” that maintains multiple ties to racist elements.
These are some political cartoons on the topic of immigration, all of these images coming mainly from a 1.5 million member Facebook group that formed as “1 MILLION Strong Against AZ SB 1070” and now has outgrown its title.