Just Call Me Dr. Love Cakes

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Barry White’s ghost gets jealous when we talk on the phone.

He says my voice is too low and sexy for him to listen for
long without a cold shower. Maybe two.

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Any time Dr. Love Song calls you must pick up the phone.

Ladies, you know who you are, no games now that school is in session.

Alright we have taken care of the two essential points to understand: first that I am too sexy so you can’t have it, stop asking, and second that women everywhere have to stop everything they are doing and listen to me like the words are gospel.

On to the business of the day:

Can it work for men and women to be just friends, and can a friendship survive an attempt at romance?

Oh Dr. Love Beats don’t play around so listen up while I crank that dial.

First we got sexy friends and how they don’t end up pants down with feet kicked up the second the doors closed behind them. It’s all about just what this person is to you and how you act around each other.

If you act like brother and sister, even if neither of you thinks of it like that, then no harm can come of it but keep in mind now that this means things like that person could come walking out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, their birthday suit and a single lifestyle for both of you but you still are not on the hubba-hubba-hubba train.

Never really know something like that until you test it and it’s not recommended to test that one out wildly.

Good friends the answer is: yes. Just people you know barely well enough to call friends probably not, and if anyone is spending a lot of time away from their honey to be with someone they barely could call a “bestie” then it probably means they are in the process of checking out of the relationship but of course every situation has unique factors.

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Then we have sexy, long-time friends trying to figure out if kicking the romance tree will drop poisonous snakes on our heads or maybe rain a bounty of delicious apples.

That is a very tricky one and where the romance is so easily sucked out of the room like a giant vacuum cleaner set to the no-sex-in-the-champagne-room setting just got turned on every time it comes up.

First you have to think yourself out and if the friendship gets permanently threatened in your head by something like cheating or dishonesty then this not a friend that is solid enough to consider this for.

Nobody said it was easy but adults actually manage to handle these big feelings in mature fashions, but that’s where the romance dies and rots in the corner of the room.

You can’t really take it forward with a friend without risking the friendship unless you can be sure they also share in a policy of time apart healing wounds, in so far as being civil with the next man or whatever the situation might be.

That means talking it out, which is great for couples to keep open lines of communications but is doing it ass backwards if you are trying to pitch some woo.

So the answers to today’s life questions are: yes if you’re good and close friends who know limits, and nobody ever won the love game without taking a gamble but at the same time dumb bets never break the bank.

Some parting words for the men of the audience before Dr. Love Cakes retires for the evening to my silk bedding and multiple wives.

Never met a woman yet that I had a worth talking about relationship with that didn’t try and push me away in one form or another. But if you already got that figured think on this one: don’t become that overly pushy guy or she’s going to push you right out the door one day.

When they say “space” or “time” or just ignore your fucking txts / calls then stop fucking bugging them for awhile even if that girl has you so in a twist right now.

You can man it up for a few days, don’t give me this shit about how you just had to do the million calls thing.

If she wants it and you want it and she knows it, all the stuff is as set as it gets without you there to fuel that fire like we love to do.

So go do something else for awhile before you make that poor woman break her phone against the wall.

If You Want To Be Friends With Everyone…

My Political Science professor gave our class a piece of solid wisdom that I like to repeat when confronted with the “can’t we all get along” mentality in myself and others:

If you want to be friends with everyone then there are three topics to avoid at all costs: politics, religion and sex.”

Takes all the fun out of everything if you ask me, but it is a very true maxim to follow if your goal to only to have everyone be your buddy.

One of those three topics will get someone’s goat. Rest assured.

I like to let people guess what the three things are when I bring this up in conversation. Everyone always gets “politics” and “religion” but almost everyone struggles with the third topic. We all can see with even minimal life experience that politics and religion fiercely divide people into rigid battle lines, but most don’t readily think of sex as divisive.

Keep in mind it is “sex” and not “love” on our list here. Talking about love rarely irks anyone, but change that to sexual acts and the game changes with it.

Aside from simple prudishness, discussing sex openly and frankly almost always opens up a door for another person to think you are either trying to brag or trying to gross them out.

The key element to understand is that it really doesn’t matter exactly what you have to say about the ‘dangerous trio’ in order to piss someone off with your words. You can be ‘pro’ and not ‘anti’ toward any of these topics and still some people will take offense.

Which brings me to why I’ll just give people my opinion and give it to them straight. Be it on the Internet or in a far less digital context. No matter what I say, someone is pissed that I said it.

So while I could and should take ever greater care to not just beat people over the head my opinions and observations, I also realize the only way to get everyone to “get along” with me is to shut up about the majority of the topics that interest me. Which I find unacceptable.

We as a human race need to disagree, we need to be of different minds and different faiths and different attitudes. It is vital to our growth as individual people and as a larger society to come to terms with the fact that we cannot see eye to eye. Coming to understand the alternative perspective, more often than not, only enhances and strengthens our own understandings.

But much of the value of such exchanges comes from a mutual desire on both sides to understand the other. When one or both sides is only interested in confirming their beliefs all value is lost, and you have yourself a good old fashion shouting match.

Politics stands out a bit from the other two, mainly in that political positions that are not sourced in facts are always hogwash. Every time without fail. But both sex and religion one can be more loose and nonspecific while still making valid points. Religion far more than sex because it relies on “faith” which is the very definition of a lack of logical context forming a belief.

People sometimes mistake me for a fighter, someone who gets off on kicking dirt around. But that is not quite right. I’m highly attracted to polemics and controversy, but it’s not my primary focus of my daily thoughts and musings.

I take zero satisfaction out of smashing an opponent to pieces completely unchallenged on my logic in a debate. It is not even a victory in my mind. I was looking, in all such cases, for a tit-for-tat and not the debate equivalent of a bulldozer running over a daisy. Without a challenge of some sort I end up just feeling bad for having engaged in debate with a person who can’t muster an argument without falling into every single logical fallacy known to man.

Swiss-Cheese Morality

The concept of “Swiss-cheese morality” is coined by Dr. John Van Epp in his book “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk” which he points out could be conversely titled “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerkette” for jerkdom knows no gender.

This matter get’s my goat, in that certain kind of way. Speaking from personal experience.

A person appears normal enough, polite and appealing, but with time you become aware that there are gaps between this person’s very moral fabric.

They might hold certain standards quite ardently but when it comes it other types of standards they simply lack any ability to recognize their callousness and lapse in values, or are in heavy stages of denial about it.

There are little early warning signs: the inability to admit personal faults or misbehavior, hiding friends and past relationships from you, not disclosing important things that you discover later in a less than pleasant manner.

We are looking for phrases like:

Actually, I was kind of less than honest about that. It was actually more like…

I was wrong, that was a stupid move.

I got upset there, I can get a little hot under collar / frazzled sometimes.

It’s not about seeking out people who just roll over and immediately take all the blame unto themselves. It is more about recognizing a person’s willingness or unwillingness to confront the reality of what they are putting out there. The ability to link their actions with consequences, not just sometimes but all of the time.

Anyone can make a mistake, but some people appear to have “Swiss-cheese morality” in terms of recognizing certain kinds of mistakes. It is as if they simply cannot imagine they have poor standards, so they simply declare to themselves that they do not. Therefore, they fail to learn from the mistakes that fall within the holes of their “Swiss-cheese morality.”