My YouTube Podcasting Has Erupted

This is the first of the podcasts I’ve been cutting over the past few days.

It’s a lot of fun to switch gears as a broadcaster into new mediums.

Though it’s become clear to me that the fun part of doing the recordings is getting addictive versus the boring part of doing the editing.

These are going to get a bit … wild … in coming updates.

If you’re catching me here then consider linking up with me over on the YT as well.

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Just Call Me Dr. Love Cakes

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Barry White’s ghost gets jealous when we talk on the phone.

He says my voice is too low and sexy for him to listen for
long without a cold shower. Maybe two.

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Any time Dr. Love Song calls you must pick up the phone.

Ladies, you know who you are, no games now that school is in session.

Alright we have taken care of the two essential points to understand: first that I am too sexy so you can’t have it, stop asking, and second that women everywhere have to stop everything they are doing and listen to me like the words are gospel.

On to the business of the day:

Can it work for men and women to be just friends, and can a friendship survive an attempt at romance?

Oh Dr. Love Beats don’t play around so listen up while I crank that dial.

First we got sexy friends and how they don’t end up pants down with feet kicked up the second the doors closed behind them. It’s all about just what this person is to you and how you act around each other.

If you act like brother and sister, even if neither of you thinks of it like that, then no harm can come of it but keep in mind now that this means things like that person could come walking out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, their birthday suit and a single lifestyle for both of you but you still are not on the hubba-hubba-hubba train.

Never really know something like that until you test it and it’s not recommended to test that one out wildly.

Good friends the answer is: yes. Just people you know barely well enough to call friends probably not, and if anyone is spending a lot of time away from their honey to be with someone they barely could call a “bestie” then it probably means they are in the process of checking out of the relationship but of course every situation has unique factors.

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Then we have sexy, long-time friends trying to figure out if kicking the romance tree will drop poisonous snakes on our heads or maybe rain a bounty of delicious apples.

That is a very tricky one and where the romance is so easily sucked out of the room like a giant vacuum cleaner set to the no-sex-in-the-champagne-room setting just got turned on every time it comes up.

First you have to think yourself out and if the friendship gets permanently threatened in your head by something like cheating or dishonesty then this not a friend that is solid enough to consider this for.

Nobody said it was easy but adults actually manage to handle these big feelings in mature fashions, but that’s where the romance dies and rots in the corner of the room.

You can’t really take it forward with a friend without risking the friendship unless you can be sure they also share in a policy of time apart healing wounds, in so far as being civil with the next man or whatever the situation might be.

That means talking it out, which is great for couples to keep open lines of communications but is doing it ass backwards if you are trying to pitch some woo.

So the answers to today’s life questions are: yes if you’re good and close friends who know limits, and nobody ever won the love game without taking a gamble but at the same time dumb bets never break the bank.

Some parting words for the men of the audience before Dr. Love Cakes retires for the evening to my silk bedding and multiple wives.

Never met a woman yet that I had a worth talking about relationship with that didn’t try and push me away in one form or another. But if you already got that figured think on this one: don’t become that overly pushy guy or she’s going to push you right out the door one day.

When they say “space” or “time” or just ignore your fucking txts / calls then stop fucking bugging them for awhile even if that girl has you so in a twist right now.

You can man it up for a few days, don’t give me this shit about how you just had to do the million calls thing.

If she wants it and you want it and she knows it, all the stuff is as set as it gets without you there to fuel that fire like we love to do.

So go do something else for awhile before you make that poor woman break her phone against the wall.

Adventures In Modern Marketing

The Great Internet Marketing Guru takes a few questions and concerns from his clients.

Let’s listen in:

“My internet ad campaign was a total wash. I ended up taking a bath and nobody even visited my site!”

“Did you put boobs all over it like I told you to?”

“No, I thought that was too superficial and sensationalistic.”

“And that would be why you failed. You forgot your audience is nothing but superficial and craves sensationalism.”

“So what do I now?”

“Take a picture of your penis and put it on Craigslist.”

“Okay … but what is that gonna help?”

“Nothing. I just want you to relive the shame of former roommates of mine.”

***

“I saw this ad making a claim I shouldn’t buy a product. Should I believe it?”

“Of course! Ads were created to tell you what not to buy, not what to buy. So when an ad tells you to buy something, you know it’s fake because they are trying to advertise to you. But when an ad tells you not to buy something, you know it’s real because they are not advertising to you.”

“Wait … what?”

***

“So I got all these people reading my blog about tech and travel but I want to use my blog audience to expand my business promotions as well. How can I retool my blog without loosing readers?”

“It’s easy: Dramatically announce you will be leaving the blog, probably the whole Internet, forever. Send that out and then wait a few days, then come back with some false tale of woe and then start selling hub caps and spark plugs off your blog-doohickey.”

“That really works?”

“Oh yeah, totally! People usually use it to switch from catatonic to mildly psychotic instead of non-monetized to monetized, but all blogging is pretty much the same thing.”

***

“I was thinking of opening up a singles dating service online and…”

“Get the hell out of my office.”

***

“I heard that Twitter was the new tool for marketing professionals with the hottest and latest ideas.”

“Who told you that?”

“That guy in the rabbit suit trying to give out fliers.”

***

“Someone told me you could market products on Facebook more effectively than using banner services.”

“Depends on what you mean by ‘market.’ If by that you mean annoy people and be ignored, then yes it is very effective.”

***

“I bought up all my domain names and registered on every social network that exists. Is there anything else I should do before I set out to rule the digital landscape?”

“Yes. Hire a mafia. You are late to the game, the only way you’ll get any traction now is to break kneecaps and go gangsta on Google.”

***

Thus concludes another session of ultimate wisdom from The Great Internet Marketing Guru.

Facebook Agrees On The Desire To “Dislike”

This week Facebook introduced a new feature that allows users to “Like” the comments of other users.

My sarcastic comment that someone “Liked” was:

Now I will finally get the recognition I deserve!

But you can’t retool Facebook without running into this mass sentiment expressed through the corridors of comments:

Facebook should have a ‘dislike‘ button.

A thousand times yes!

Between the moronic “Nanny State Liberation Front” and the group wishing death under biblical terms to President Barack Obama (thus are not removed by Facebook) there remain many fan groups that I would very much enjoy the ability to “Dislike.”

Like their obviously inept Facebook ad-bots send me pro-Glenn Beck imagery, and this notion of if I “Like this ad?” is just raising some bile to back of my mouth.

Where is the box for: “Burn this ad in a vat of boiling acid?

Same with some of the individual comments of certain users that engage in what is called “being a troll,” “flaming,” or “cyber-harassment.”

My looking at this rabid ad hominem babble and the new option to “Like” this vile digital puke is just repugnant on every level.

Where is the box for: “Send this user to the trash bin?

I recognize that Facebook is trying to stay positive, but they should look around and see that when AOL announced dropping Bebo their stock went up.

The users on the social network are the driving force behind it.

And we demand to right to boo at each other!

Facebook has around 450 million users. The population of the United States is 309 million people. That means if you made everyone in the U.S. forcibly get on Facebook all at once you still would not have enough people Facebooking in that moment to account for the entire user community they have amassed. The sheer weight of Facebook on the Internet has forced almost every site to add this “Connect with Facebook” option. But I raise the issue of Bebo to point out that social networks live and die not by keeping shareholders happy but by keeping their users happy.

Jon Stewart Castrates The Blogosphere

As is usually the case, it is left to the Comedy Central programming of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart to point out these funny aspects of our media and our society that go mainly overlooked.

From “The Blogs Must Be Crazy” segment:

It’s almost as if these headlines are freakishly out of proportion to the content contained within them.

Oh, did you Comedy Central writers notice that too?

A good headline makes all the difference, and if somebody isn’t getting castrated, eviscerated and then decapitated its just not a good headline.

I guess the real title of this post is: Lightborn Eviscerates The Blogosphere

But I have a suggestion: the “versus posts.”

Someone vs. Someone, instead of Someone metaphorically cannibalizes Someone else.

Just a thought…